Stepping out of the spiritual closet


Hello lovelies,

I’m thinking a lot today about having the courage to be you. Having the courage to say yes I’m here, I’m beautiful, I’m powerful and I believe in who I am and want to share it with the world. It’s such an amazing feeling :) I’m definitely not feeling like that right now hehe but getting a taste of that is soooooo freeing and life transforming that even on your off days you know that it is just a passing phase like the clouds passing over and that your true state is when you are fully shining!

So why do we hide this sooooo much, make so many excuses, be afraid of what people think of us? I’ve spent so many years being “in the spiritual closet” so to speak and said to someone recently “Do you think that having the courage to say that you are a spiritual person sometimes feels the same as coming out as gay in that it can be a big taboo”. Sometimes you have that real fear in thinking, will that person support me for who I am, regardless of their beliefs? Will they think i’m weird, or even mentally unstable.

I don’t want to say that it is the same, we are lucky in England that being gay is accepted more in allowing us to have Pride festivals, but some places they are not so lucky and risk so much to have the courage to be themselves. I really admire those amazing people such as at the Turkey Pride parades recently being bombarded with water canons and threats to be who they are. It’s pretty inspirational really and I think we can learn from them, dolled in glitter and sparkles saying this is me to the world in all their beauty.

There are definitely some parallels there, in that if I am truly authentically myself, will people judge me, reject me, hate me? That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself, no wonder so many people choose to stay hidden!

I guess the news of the US accepting gay marriage and the rainbow facebook explosion hehe of multicoloured profiles everywhere feels quite significant in terms of spirituality as well. That people are being accepted for who they are, love is celebrated in all its forms, no judgement, just love. So after this massive breakthrough for society over the weekend, why not start a spiritual breakthrough and have a little more courage also to say this is who I am, this is what interests me, with the courage in your heart to be seen :)

It’s been quite refreshing for me over the last few months having the courage to tip toe out of hiding a bit more and a bit more, first with so-called “spiritual” people who I know I can chat to about all my interests and  beliefs. It’s so refreshing to let go of that background voice that says, is it appropriate to talk about that? What will they think of me? You can talk about the most bizarre random things: parallel realities, multidimensional beings, life after death, synchronicity. No one bats an eye lid, they all love a bit of meaning of life conversation :) Going to spiritual festivals can feel like such a weight is lifted for me, but then I get back to everyday life and where do I go from there, get back in my little clam shell and pretend to be an “ordinary” member of society again, be small and boring and normal. lol I don’t think I could conform even if I tried, anyone who knows me will find this funny, as no matter how hard I try I’m always seen as a little “eccentric” either way ;)

So the last few weeks out of the authenticity of just letting go a bit more and being myself I have started sharing a bit more of what I believe and my interests at my new job.Talking a bit more about my spiritual beliefs and my vegan diet surprised me by how first of all I met some people who were interested in exactly the same things as me, but had also been too scared to speak out in case people think they’re weird, so they were equally excited to find a kindred spirit to share with.

Secondly the people who aren’t into all of that so much are far more supportive than I thought they would be, and thirdly the people who aren’t as supportive don’t really matter so much. I don’t feel grief-stricken if people do judge me a bit, I actually feel proud of myself for having the courage to be seen by the world. I always really struggled with feeling that I should be likeable by everyone and not wanting to rock the boat. Those quotes about “you can’t be liked by everyone” made me feel deeply uncomfortable, like well you’re just not trying hard enough then! Now I trust in the universe to bring amazing things into my life and if things are no longer resonating in an area, such as a certain person judging me I just think “Oh that’s surprising, I guess we’re just not on each others wavelength and that’s ok”.

At uni I recently did a spiritual health course and was so excited to get to study what really interested me and the fact that it was being offered at all. I decided to do my presentation on the Health benefits of meditation and was enjoying getting to authentically share what inspires me. When I received my grade back and was 1% off failing I was pretty shocked and upset, but then when I read the comments and one of the learning objectives was “to have an improved understanding of your own spirituality” and they commented that mine was too implicit I just burst into laughter and said out loud “Have we met?!?!” I just thought to myself how can anyone judge and grade me on how spiritual they deem me to be, only I can judge myself on that level. I have concluded that maybe this was a nudge from the universe saying that actually you can’t play small anymore and think hmm how can I tone this down so they don’t judge me, how can I put in so much research that it’s scientific enough to be accepted. All I can do is be authentic with myself at the end of the day. I feel that lessons like this are symbolic in that maybe the real spiritual test beyond the grade is what I can learn from it and if I can let it go. I’m trying ;)

I met up with some of the guys from the attracting abundance group yesterday and it was so lovely to see how alive and vibrant they all seemed, really stepping into their power more, booking amazing holidays and gushing about how brilliant the course was. It was really blissful just being in their presence :) If anything gives you a recognition that you’re on the right path it’s being inspired by witnessing others stepping into their light and thinking yes they’re definitely doing something right!

So after all this soul-searching over the last month or so I was drawn more and more to the newest Hay house author Rebecca Campbell and her launching of her book “Light is the New Black” to step authentically into being you and lighting up the world with your life purpose. I love it when a bit of synchronicity comes along and what you’ve been exploring suddenly comes up in exactly what you need to hear at the time. I’ve been searching hay house for years with a deep yearning for something to inspire me, but falling short of the kind of book I want to read that’s personal, funny, light-hearted and inspirational. Apart from Kyle Gray’s book that really inspired me last year :)

With spiritual books I don’t want to read a step by step guide of how to be more spiritual, I don’t believe it can be so linear. Spirituality to me is immersing yourself in the beautiful stories of life, the humour, the eccentricity, the pain, the love. I think that’s why I love my job so much, getting to witness people’s life journeys and stories of what makes them the person they are. Seeing people step up during adversity and be so strong and positive.The relationships that develop and strengthen when people need it the most.

After falling short of attracting those kinds of books I came to the conclusion that I was just going to have to write it myself if no one else was, but I really wanted to just bask in the wisdom of others for a while.

I’ve known for almost a decade now that I will write a book, its name, its personality. But again have been putting up barriers for myself in changing the topic again and again, not having the time with uni, thinking i’ll do it once I qualify, thinking i’m too young still. blagh blagh blagh. ;) I do believe that maybe we should just do it if its all just excuses, but then a part of me also believes in divine timing and that if something is meant to happen then sometimes the life lessons you go through take you to that place eventually, so trusting the process rather than trying to force it to happen now, if you know that it is still in the pipeline and your current life lessons are important. I believe that everything i’m experiencing is giving me inspiration to share with the world and when something feels right it is effortless and you just KNOW that now is the time :)

It is beautiful to see that it is her time, so yay thankyou universe and Rebecca for answering my prayers for something to inspire me and help me step into more of who I am. It’s great seeing others step into their light authentically, helping us all do the same and remember the beautiful powerful beings we are.

Just so you know, if you preorder her book today (5/7/15) you also get 5 free gifts of meditation and a talk which I really loved, so if you feel the calling too you can order it here: (that’s my act of kindness for the day promoting it and helping people get freee stuff teehee)

Now I’m off to see the dinosaurs at the cinema and then come home and pretend to be one rawrrrrrrrrrrr. Told you I was weird ;)

Happy shining! beautiful beings xxyxx


2 Comments Add yours

  1. rebeccacampbell says:

    Thanks for the mention! I’m looking forward to seeing your book out there!

    1. Aiyana Rosel says:

      ah thankyou hun and youre welcome :) Hope you have lots of beautiful adventures xyx

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