Hello beautiful peoples,
I’ve had the most amazing few weeks and have had so many lovely experiences. Having 2 essays, a presentation and a synopsis due in a few weeks I should be crying in a corner by now, but actually it’s all going pretty well woo! The last 3 weeks I have been going to a manifesting miracles course, using the law of attraction to create the life we desire. I did a lot of exploration a few years ago when I chose abundance as my word for the year and really enjoyed it and did manifest some pretty cool results. I kind of lost interest after a while though, as I was having a hard time letting go and figuring out what to manifest in the first place and became disappointed when I put a lot of focus into particular things I wanted and then it didn’t happen. This time around I just felt that after a long winter of hibernation I needed something a bit spiritual and magical to wake me up to spring and jumpstart my motivation. Anyways I’ve come into this all without too many expectations, but just thought that any improvement to some areas of my life I wanted to improve would be nice. Health, abundance, community are what I’m attracted to. But I just thought if anything it will be nice to have something to go to once a week, as a bit of routine while I’m on study leave, so it’s not all just essay writing groundhog day everyday hehe.
Before the course I started to think about what I wanted and decided that I really wanted a bit of spiritual immersion, as I was a bit stressed with just being work focused and I hadn’t had a good dance in ages so decided to book the Beltane fire festival at only £50 for 3 days of workshops and camping in the beautiful countryside.
On week 1 of the course we went through the law of attraction basics, abraham hick’s idea of the vortex and what puts you into that feeling good, introduced ourselves and then started to move to let go of tension in our bodies with music. This is where my brain started to disengage and I relaxed more. To be honest I had to ask someone to remind me of what we did the rest of the session to carry on writing so must have been chilled out lol. I felt hyper and excited at the start of the session and remember feeling more grounded and able to channel my energy more effectively but still pretty hyper hehe. We wrote wishes of how we would like to feel and put it all in the middle under a candle to seal our wishes together as a group. I was on a high driving home singing love shack and dancing about…while driving hehe. So yeh a good start!
The festival was a real chance to put my power into action and play with things I wanted to create within myself and my life. I’ve written a separate blog, as it was such a powerful beautiful few days that have really transformed my life. Our “homework” for that week was to do 3 things consciously and really be present with it. I really embraced this in walking in the woods feeling connected with nature and the beauty all around me, dancing exploring how my body feels to move, exploring different styles and just being me moving through my body (bliss) and completely letting go into yoga and sound baths, totally chilling out and letting go.
After returning from the festival I felt on a huge spiritual high (called the spiritual hangover hehe ie. you come back feeling amazing for a few days after!)
I was so ready for week 2 of the course and felt really excited to share my experiences with the group and hear how everyone else had gotten on. I was surprised that just in a week people had begun to really shift things in their lives and looked a little brighter, happier or having the courage to say that they were letting go of difficult issues. On week 2 we did some much deeper work on identifying our limiting beliefs and finally letting go of the beliefs that have controlled us for so long. With a little more courage and power on my side I felt totally ready to do this. I was fed up of playing it small, being the victim and feeling powerless. I’d started to show myself that I could be stronger than I thought I was and let go and have fun, so things were starting to shift slowly.
We shared as a group the beliefs we held strongly that were blocking us and wrote them all out on the board: unlovable, not good enough, not deserving, all kinds of sad beliefs you wouldn’t wish on anyone. It felt quite cathartic and fun though shouting them out. It felt good to see that everyone has the same insecurities and that it has less power once you have the courage to name it. We then sat on the floor with a large sheet of paper and art materials and were instructed to write with our non-dominant hand all the beliefs we have about ourselves. This was quite a powerful exercise seeing it all come out on paper, all kinds of deep issues. Straight away I was able to start identifying where those beliefs had come from, past memories, relationships, upbringing. It’s funny when you stir up the water within you all kinds of repressed memories surface to be released. After this we turned the lights off and danced through our grief and issues and did whatever we needed to, to release and let go. There was a lot of paper ripping in the room hehe, some shouting, some crying. I kind of fancied a tantrum just for the fun of it, but feeling really peaceful and compassionate to my inner child for all she’d been through, I just felt that I want to sit there, hug myself and just nurture myself and thank myself for keeping me safe (and alive) up until this point!
We then got together with a partner and each discussed what issues came up for us and how we released them. I found it surprisingly easy to be open and honest about my shortcomings and we had similar styles in releasing our issues in a quieter more internal way with compassion. We then entered a more gentle stage where we nurtured each other with gentle massage to really let go of the negative emotions and feel safe and more connected as a group. I really enjoyed first of all getting to nurture someone and help them feel relaxed with gentle touch and reiki. When I first did vital danza it was a bit scary, as you don’t touch strangers in polite society lol but actually it feels so natural and normal, why do we put up barriers when it’s so much better to drop them :) I then got to relax and be nurtured which was so nice I pretty much melted onto the floor afterwards haha. Hugs all round and feeling much better for the session I drove home ecstatically happy, singing in the car at the top of my lungs feeling completely free to express myself. On radio 1 they were also talking about meditation which was pretty surprising, so took that as a sign of being in the flow.
Week 2 homework was to take 3 opportunities to nurture ourselves, to be gentle with ourselves and practice self-love and acceptance. What a chore :P hehe I spent most of this week out in nature going for walks everyday. I just really felt attracted to nature and freedom. I took a big walk up chanctonbury ring, sat and basked in the beautiful panoramic views, walked all round it really taking my time, climbed a tree to nurture my inner tomboy and walked barefoot on the grass to earth myself. I started to think “what if people see me without shoes on, they’ll think I’m weird” and then replied to myself “So what! Who cares? Are you really that socially programmed that you need to worry what complete strangers think of you. Just let go.” so that was pretty freeing just chilling out. I saw lots of buzzards and watched how weightless they looked as they flew and just hovered about. I felt that they were teaching me how to let go, to be weightless.
I was also really active in going to the gym, going to exercise classes like dance and yoga and just enjoying moving my body. I wasn’t trying or planning, I just felt I had energy to use everyday so thought I may as well put it to good use! It’s been nice feeling more powerful and vibrant so am definitely getting my monies worth! Will be keeping you updated with my many adventures over the next few weeks. Hope you invite a little magic into your lives too over the next few weeks, isn’t that what we all deserve :)